"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Gail Sheehy

The above quote is especially true when applied to personal development. Many people don’t appreciate how much better their lives would be if they changed certain aspects of their personality and approach to life.

Unfortunately, there are a number of misconceptions that can sabotage the notion of personal growth. For example, regarding unhealthy behaviors, here are some common assumptions:

• My personality and behaviors are set in stone by the age of twenty-five, and they won’t change after that.
• That’s just how I am. There’s no point in trying to be different.
• I’m just like my dad/mom. My thoughts and behaviors are genetic and therefore there’s nothing I can do.
• It’s just the way I was born and there’s nothing I can do to change who I am.
• Who I am and how I act is a matter of destiny, and there’s nothing I can do to change my “lot” in life.
• I grew up disadvantaged and there’s nothing I can do to change things.
• It’s too late. I’m too old and set in my ways to change. (Based on the adage: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”)
• Others are just ignorant and there’s nothing I can do to prevent them from treating me poorly.
• I’m a loser, so what’s the point.
• I’m not worthy to have a happier life, so I may as well just learn to live with how things are.
• Bad things just happen to me and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Sadly, it’s easy to buy into these unhealthy conclusions, and then live our life accordingly.

For example, a person who continues to stay in an abusive relationship may not believe they deserve better, so they stay in their unhealthy relationship hoping to find better ways of accepting their “lot” in life.  Or, a person may stay in a very stressful and dead end job hoping that somehow they’ll learn to be happy doing it.

The truth is, we all change, and we’re changing all the time. Some change is voluntary, some involuntary, some visible, and some invisible. As long as we draw conclusions and interact with others, we’re going to experience change.

For example, advertisers COUNT on change. They spend a lot of time, money, and effort trying to CHANGE your opinion about their products and services. Quite often, they are successful without you even realizing it. However, if you look at many of the products and services you’ve purchased, many of your purchasing decisions were most likely made because you were “influenced” to change your buying habits. You did this, because you were “influenced” to change.

Yes, as long as we live we’re going to experience change. So if you are already experiencing change, why wouldn’t you want to learn healthier tools to better manage it?

One such tool is, understanding the process of change. The change process has specific stages, and being aware of what the stages are and what each stage represents can be a valuable asset when making change.

If you are unfamiliar with the stages associated with the change process, we encourage you to do some research and acquaint yourself with them. Knowing where you are within the process of change can be very beneficial, instructional, and encouraging not only as you begin, but also as you proceed through to completion. Knowing where you are and what to expect can help to alleviate the fears commonly associated with change. Once you know what the stages are and what to expect at each stage, you’ll most likely be less fearful and better equipped for the process of change.

Certainly, there are many views on the stages associated with the change process. As you do your research, however, you’ll find that common themes will emerge. You can then adapt these themes for your own purposes and apply them to making behavioral change.

This week, we encourage you to familiarize yourself with the stages of the change process, then, think about how these stages apply to you and anxiety. Non-members can search the Internet using the search words “change process” or “process of change.” Members can read a newly posted section on “Understanding the Process of Change” located in Section V in the members area of our website. You can find the link to this section on the Table of Contents page at the beginning of Chapter Seven.

Understanding the process of change can be helpful in making change. Knowing where you are in the process can be both illuminating and encouraging.

Have a great week!