Last week we asked: Are you REALLY being treated as an equal?

Here is a summary of the responses:

Score:
0 – 20 - Healthy. Everyone treats you as an equal: 12.9 percent

21 – 40 - Mildly unhealthy. Most people treat you as an equal: 22.4 percent

41 – 60 - Unhealthy. Some people treat you as an equal: 32.8 percent

61 – 80 - Very unhealthy. The majority of people don’t treat you as an equal: 27.6 percent

81 – 100 - Extremely unhealthy. No one treats you as an equal: 4.3 percent

Many people mentioned that they were surprised by their test results. They initially thought that they were being treated as an equal, however when they took the test, they discovered that they weren’t being treated as an equal as often as they thought they were.

From these results, only 12.9 percent of those who took our test have healthy relationships. 87.1 percent have unhealthy relationships.

Since the majority of stress, anxiety, sleep, and depression disorders are caused by our interpersonal relationships, the healthier our relationships are, the healthier we’ll be. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.

For those who scored in the healthy range, good for you. Those of you who didn’t, you have some work to do.

This leads to Assertive Tip #3: IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX THE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT AREN’T WORKING. You must take ownership for repairing the damage in your life. No one else is responsible for the work YOU must do. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to teach others how you want to be treated.  It’s your job to fix this, not theirs.

People will treat you the way THEY want, unless YOU teach them otherwise. Therefore, YOU have work to do if you aren’t being treated as an equal. It’s not the work THEY need to do.

If you aren’t being treated as an equal, you are failing to teach others that you want to be treated differently. As harsh as this truth sounds, it’s also good news, because you CAN change this problem. It’s fully within your realm of control.

Your responsibility is to control you and everything about you, including your part in your relationships. If you aren’t being treated as an equal, you have the right to let them know through words, actions, or behaviors, that you don’t accept the behavior that they are directing toward you. Remember, as an equal human being, you have the right to be treated the way YOU want to be treated, whether they agree with it or not.

There are many ways of doing this, and we’re going to address some of them in future Tips. For this week, however, recognize that you can change this relationship imbalance, and it’s your job to do so. It’s your responsibility.

Also recognize that it’s NOT your job to change others, because that’s the work THEY must do. You are responsible for changing YOU. They are responsible for changing themselves. Trying to control or change others is unhealthy.

Are you prepared to assume the responsibility to fix the things in your life that aren’t working?

Are you prepared to assume the responsibility of teaching others how you want to be treated?

Are you prepared to say, “I’m solely responsible for me. It’s my job to fix what isn’t right in my life. It’s my fault that I’m not being treated equally and I’m going to do the work require to repair this?”

Taking ownership for our life, behavior, and resulting consequences is an important step in becoming healthier. It’s required before any true change can occur.

The serenity prayer, written by Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr, is a good example of how we can approach this work:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can change,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Personal development is about the work we do as an individual, to bring about a positive change in our self, our relationships, and our happiness. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships become. The healthier our relationships become, the happier and more satisfied we become. This can become a wonderfully positive cycle, and one that benefits us directly. Yes, it’s work, but this work can produce a lifetime of benefits and freedom. Once done, it’s done for good.

Have a great week.