Changing unhealthy beliefs into healthy beliefs is one of the factors associated with attaining and maintaining true happiness. If you’ve decided to make changes to your system of beliefs, the first step is to identify which beliefs to change.

To identify which beliefs to change, on a piece of paper, in your journal or computer, list all of the beliefs you think are unhealthy for you (beliefs that work against your happiness, are limiting, self-defeating, or negative).  They don’t have to be in any particular order just yet. Simply list them from our list, as you think of them, or as you come across them in your daily life. You can find an updated list of common unhealthy beliefs here:

Updated listing of common negative beliefs.

If you are having difficulty identifying some, or all of your unhealthy beliefs (some will be easy to identify, others may not), here are a few suggestions to help you uncover them:

1. When you find yourself feeling nervous, ask yourself, “What, in this situation or circumstance, is making me feel nervous? Why am I feeling nervous? What am I afraid of? What worst case scenario do I fear may come true?”

When you are feeling nervous, most often there is a belief, or system of beliefs, that is causing you fear (we become nervous when we are afraid that some potentially negative outcome may occur).

For example, Patrick is nervous when in new social settings. As he began to challenge his system of beliefs, he discovered that he becomes nervous because he has two unhealthy beliefs that cause him fear. One belief that states, “I NEED everyone to like me,” and a second belief that states, “If someone doesn’t like me, that means there’s something wrong with ME.”

Naturally, with these two beliefs (that he BELIEVES ARE TRUE), his fear is that someone may not like him, and if someone doesn’t like him, his worst fear comes true—that there IS something wrong with him.

While it is natural to want to be liked by others, it’s unrealistic that everyone is going to like us. It’s also unhealthy to have our self-worth contingent upon whether others like us or not. You can see why these beliefs are unhealthy for Patrick (they cause him stress, are limiting and negative, and restrict his happiness).

Having the beliefs Patrick has, naturally he would be fearfully nervous in new social settings.

2. When you find yourself worrying, ask yourself, “What is causing me to worry? Why am I fearful? What am I afraid of? What worst case scenario do I worry about coming true?”

Again, try to identify the unhealthy belief(s) that are causing you fear. There may be one, or many. Do your best to uncover what they are and how many may be inter-playing.

For example, Catherine continually worries about her future (whether she will be able to support herself, find the right man, get married, have a family, or whether things will work out for her at all).

When Catherine uncovered some of her unhealthy beliefs associated with her worry, she discovered she had four unhealthy beliefs working together. One, “Things aren’t going to work out for me,” two, “I’m not smart enough to succeed,” three, “I’m not pretty enough, so nobody is going to love me,” and four, “My future is already predetermined. It’s not good and I can’t do anything about it.”

Believing these unhealthy beliefs are true would cause anyone to worry and live fearfully and pessimistically.

3. In your quiet moments, pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. If it is negative, self-critical, or self-defeating, ask yourself, “Why am I saying this to myself? Do I really believe this is true for, or about, me? What is causing me to be so negative, self-critical, or self-defeating?”

4. In your happy moments, do you self-sabotage your happiness? If so, identify the negative messages you are saying to yourself.  Then, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? What beliefs are causing me to limit my happiness? What am I afraid of?”

Jessica knew she lived pessimistically, but she didn’t realize how negative she was until she caught herself limiting and negating her happy moments. For example, at her grandmother’s eighty-sixth birthday party, she was really having a good time until she found herself thinking, “Don’t get too happy, it’s not going to last. Something awful is going to occur to ruin everything. Maybe my grandma will die this year, and then how will I feel?”

These are just a few suggestions to get the ball rolling. As you become practiced identifying unhealthy and limiting beliefs, they will become more obvious to you. Also, as you replace unhealthy beliefs with healthier beliefs, you’ll begin to notice other unhealthy beliefs. The process gets easier the healthier you become.

This week, we’d like you to become aware of, identify, and list your unhealthy beliefs. As you do this, it’s a good idea to write them down or type them out. Keeping a visual record of them helps to free your mind of them and will help you to see the positive results as you make changes to them (which we’re going to begin next week).

Be as thorough as you can. This will give you good practice as we move forward. Certainly, you’ll be adjusting your list as you go, so if you miss some now, that’s okay. Others will most likely surface later.

See you next week.

For more information about anxiety symptoms, see our Anxiety Symptoms section.

NOTE: The Member's area of our website contains a more comprehensive section on anxiety symptoms, including completed descriptions, why they occur, and tips on how to get rid of them.